Unfaithful

Some of you may think I've been unfaithful. I get the blog up, I post, post, post, then I drop off the planet. I'm not sure what to say. I'm interested in telling others of my experiences; however, I sometimes don't feel like blogging. In fact, for a while there, I almost felt that blogging was work, and, therefore, didn't want to do it because I didn't have to. A way of controlling a life that otherwise seems out of control.
For all of you out there who still check from time to time. I am here. I am still working my tail off, and I'm still in debt, disgruntled, and dissatisfied.
Hopefully, motivation will smack me in the face soon, and I will begin posting on a regular (or semi-regular) basis.
Until I write again, stay faithful.

:)

Scream of the Day

Thursday: Secretary (Day) / Server (Night)

I can only justify the ridiculousness of humankind by the fact that it is a full moon. All the werewolves have emerged and have shown their fangs.

This morning, a happy little morning here in the Education Department, the phone rang. I happily answered the happily ringing phone to hear a woman on the other end asking to speak with the Department Chair.

"May I tell her who's calling?" I ask sweetly, in my best polite-secretary voice ever

She tells me her name, to which I respond, "And what is this regarding?"

To this she says, "This is regarding me speaking to the Department Chair."

Who says that???

I am doing my job, which is filtering the phone calls for the DC (Department Chair)! When a secretary asks what your call is regarding or what your call is in reference to, we are NOT being nosy, we are DOING OUR JOB!

With this response, I thanked her, pushed the 'hold' button, and went to rant and rave with the DC. Because of the way the person spoke to me, the DC refused to speak with her. (Remember that people! If you're mean to the secretary, chances are the call may not go through.)

I picked up the holding line, and said, "I apologize, however, the Department Chair is unavailable, may I take a message?" At this time, the woman on the other end gave me her number and told me briefly what her call was in reference to--THAT'S WHAT I ASKED IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! Had she told me initially, she may have been permitted to speak with the DC.

On this same topic, I get A LOT of people who call to speak with the DC, and when I ask them what it's in reference to, they answer, "It's personal." That's unacceptable. I don't care about your situation, be as brief as humanly possible. I don't care! But the department chair doesn't know half the people who call, and all of them say "It's personal!" I'm not looking for your ENTIRE situation, you could just say, "It's in reference to a course." OR "It's in reference to an instructor." OR "It's in reference to a grade." That's all I need! I couldn't care less about you or your situation! I'm only trying to do my job! Let me!

Since I'm on a roll, I'm just going to keep going. In addition, it makes me want to rip my hair out when a student enters the office and says, "I have an appointment with my instructor." I then ask, "Who is your instructor?" The dear-in-headlights look (I get it EVERY time), and the student responds, "Oh, I forgot his (or her) name...uh, something that starts with a "D." What! You are a college student! You are attempting to get your degree to become a PROFESSIONAL and you don't even know your instructor's name????!!!!

I understand getting a little confused in the beginning of the semester, but we are now in week 9 of the semester, and you still don't know your instructor's name? Well, then I guess it'd be okay if I sent you to speak with any instructor? WTF?

Students DEMAND respect. They DEMAND a chance to prove themselves. They DEMAND certain grades (even if they haven't earned it). They DEMAND instructors to bend over backwards at their every whim. Yet, they cannot find it within themselves to know the person's name with whom they demand so much.

Almost-4-year-old Sob Story

I have the saddest and cutest story that will break your heart, but I have to share because I'm an aunt; it's what I do.

My sister has two children, almost-4-year-old Cee (nickname, of course), and 2-year-old Pea (short of Sweet Pea--also a nickname).
My mom (the girls call her Emmy), signed Cee up for ballet, and she signed Pea up for swimming. Ballet was scheduled to start last Friday. All last week, Pea was sick with a gross stomach bug. Cee was very excited about ballet, and knew she had to be strong and well for her class. When Friday came, my sister woke Cee up for school and started getting her ready. Sis noticed that Cee didn't really look well, so she asked, "You feelin' okay?" Cee replied, "Yes, mommy, I want to go to ballet. I have to be strong." With that, Cee dressed, and they headed off to school. My sister works in the same building as Cee's preschool, just in a different room. When they got to school, Sis asked Cee again, "Are you sure you're feeling okay, Cee?" Cee once again replied, "Yes, mommy, I'm going to dance class too-later." (A little Cee-ism.)
Finally, right at the end of the day, Sis gets a call to come to the preschool room. When she gets there, she finds Cee on her knees on the classroom floor, where she had just vomited. Looking pale as a ghost, she looked up at Sis and said as she cried, "I want to go to ballet, mommy. I just wanna dance. I just wanna dance." Sis said she cried as well, picked Cee up and told her that if her belly hurts, she can't go to dance class. Cee was devastated.
Because Emmy was going to take her to the class, Cee's outfit was at Emmy's house. My sister went over to the house and grabbed her outfit and let Cee dance around the house. I was out to dinner with my mom at the time, and the phone rings. It's Cee, "Thanks for my swippers, Emmy, and my 'tard, us dancin in the house!" She sounded happy, definitely tired and sick, but it was sweet to know that she was still able to dance around--even if it wasn't in class. She has a tall mirror in her room too, and Sis said that Cee kept spinning around and trying to watch herself at the same time.
How cute?! How sad?! :)

Time Sucker

Friday: Secretary (Early Day) / Off! (Night)

The Boss Lady in my department always says that someone has sucked the hours out of the day, and she's absolutely right! I'm not sure if little elves or creatures in the walls are the culprit, but something somewhere is sucking every minute out of every day. I don't really have a lot of room to breath. Okay, okay, so I'm being melodramatic, but really.

Something has been on my mind this week, and although I didn't think to blog about it now, I am trying to let it fly from my brain. This week in class, we were talking about having "emotional intelligence" and what that means. We were discussing different types of people and how some can read their emotions and others cannot.
During this discussion, I was using depression as an example, and I stated that there have been times when I've felt depressed, but it wasn't something I ever felt the need to medicate. I took it upon myself to find something (reading, writing, drawing, screaming) to "channel" that depression. It's something I learned to do, however. I didn't know how to deal with it as a child or adolescent, it was something I had to acquire.
I went on to mention that there are people out there who were never taught how to deal with their emotions, or they simply never learned, or don't have the instinct, and are unable to "cure" themselves of their emotional affliction.
A student then mentioned how there are people who are clinically depressed. I didn't disagree with this, but I think he was bringing it up because it is considered hereditary. (Which, I felt fell under the umbrella of those people who don't know how to read their emotions.) Anyway, I think I offended him because then he went on to mention that there are 25, 000, 000 people in this country who are clinically depressed, and he is currently seeing a psychiatrist for depression.
At that, I mentioned that I didn't think all of them were actually clinically depressed. (I personally feel that our country is WAY over-medicated.) I definitely should not have said that, but in the moment that was my opinion, and it came out. I immediately knew that that was not the right thing to say.
He went on to mention that he is a recovering alcoholic and at 25 years sober. The entire class applauded him. I believe he was defending his depression by saying that he was born with it and he couldn't help it (although he never came out and said that, this is just my own assessment of the situation). I then turned the conversation a little, apologizing for my being insensitive, and asked him if I could ask him a question regarding his experience.
I asked him if his drinking was what lead to the depression. He said he drank to get rid of the depression. I then said that I believe, regardless of his heredity, affliction, or diagnosis, he had a choice, and, for whatever reason, he felt, that drinking was the answer. He made that decision. Furthermore, he then made another choice, later in life, to fix his other affliction, and that was to begin treatment for alcoholism.
Regardless of our situation, we have a choice. Always and forever.
Even though I didn't articulate myself very well, I think I may have redeemed myself. He did participate throughout the remainder of the class, which made me feel good. I imagined that if he were truly upset by my statement, he would have regressed from the class discussion, but he didn't.
I'm happy to get this off my chest. I had thoughts of emailing him to ensure that he did not take true offense. I rethought that and decided it wasn't necessary. He's usually the first to arrive, so I think I'll just check with him next week.
Mind you, this conversation spawned from an article we read in class. An article that the class will have to summarize and react upon in essay form. Perhaps our controversial conversation will inspire them. Who knows?

Tomorrow: Off (Day) / Server (Night)

Education Expense

This post connects with a post I published a few days ago.
Students working toward an Education degree are required to do classroom components for their major--they must observe or teach in a school in the community as part of their requirements.
Today, one of the full-time faculty was talking with me about a student who has been corresponding via email regarding her placement site. The student claims that the reason she chose to come to our college was because she works during the day and is able to take classes at night. She had no idea she would have to do classroom components. What?! Why would she possibly think that by being an Education Major, she wouldn't have to work in a classroom? Her additional argument is that she currently works in a public school, and she wants to do her observations in the school where she works.
For everyone out there with this situation, doing observations/student teaching in a school where you currently work is not the way to go about getting a well-rounded education. Taking care of classroom requirements in your place of business is called a biased environment. Besides that, getting experience in other schools will give students a varied perspective of schools in the area. No school is the same, and through obtaining your education, it is up to you to get as many different perspectives as possible. This will broaden your spectrum as a student and open your eyes as an educator.
College is not meant for taking short-cuts. College is meant to provide you will all the training and instruction necessary to make you a well-rounded member in your field.

Paradise

Monday: Secretary (Day) / Server (Night)

This is a different type of week. My mom left for Cancun early Sunday morning. My mother has not left her five children in 25 years. I closed at the restaurant Saturday night and pulled an all-night-er to take her and my three aunts to the airport by 5:00 a.m. Because this is the first time she's actually inaccessible, she felt more comfortable if I stayed at her house. My two brothers are still at home, and although they are 15 and 19 years old, they still need someone here. Not only that, but they're lazy, sloppy teenagers who would destroy my mother's house by the time she gets home.

I came back to mom's and finally fell asleep around 6:30 a.m. I tried to bring everything so I don't have to traipse back to my house. I did forget a few things (like my phone charger!), but so far, so good.

It's funny because I find myself in "mom" mode. Last night I was doing laundry and gathering some things, when I realized that it was passed the dinner hour and wondered if my brother had eaten. He's 15! He'll eat when he's hungry, but like I said, I'm in "mom" mode. He chuckled when I asked him, so I "checked" myself.

I'm just really communicative: I want them to know where I am, and I expect that they'll let me know what they're up to...I don't know...parent stuff. :)

It's weird because I'm not a parent to any degree. I was watching my 6 month old niece this weekend, and I was struggling carrying a crying child, lugging her seat, and trying not to lose the diaper bag. I know that I have a maternal instinct, but I just don't think I'm cut out to be a parent. I can't even remember to feed my brother! (Shit, and I've been thinking about getting a dog...I guess that idea's out!)

Tomorrow: Secretary (Day) / Off (Night)

Summing It Up

Thursday: Secretary (Day) / Server (Night)

My thoughts today are geared toward society and its obsession with technology. Society's obsession with technology is what created my obsession with the tangible (the silver lining, I suppose). What I mean by obsession is that I think we're taking technology too far. My mom even thinks we're going to run out of electricity, and she claims that everyone will be sunk because there's no Plan B. I think she's right, for the most part.

Although I try to take advantage of technology, I'm not crazy about most of it. I remember what it's like to not have it. But because technology has been developing, I've been changing with it...if that makes sense...

Working at the college, we have been presented the idea of doing telecourses (courses taken from the computer, never meeting in a classroom). I work for the Education Department--they teach people how to teach people. How can anyone possibly think that an online education is credible when the degree concentrates on socializing with children? I feel the same about any online program that is geared toward an occupation that deals with human beings (counseling, psychology, nursing, etc.).

The notion of telecourses got me thinking about the human race and it's development connected with technology. There is no doubt that technology has affected our ability to socialize. We are becoming independent creatures, absent from direct communication: no tone, no physical connection. Technology is desensitizing the world. I'm sure it's been said before--I agree. Tie this point in with telecourses.

People need the college experience. Yes, online courses can be helpful for a person who works, I agree; however, getting your entire degree online is kind of ridiculous. (Question: Who really knows if the person who is enrolled is the actual person completing the assignments?) In addition, I think that college is a commitment, and you illustrate your commitment by lugging the books to class, sitting through lecture, and getting a tangible perspective. Going to class allows for interaction, networking.

I commended two of my students because they had apparently exchanged contact information. Over the weekend, one of the students had a question, but she emailed me Saturday night, and I wasn't able to respond until Sunday. She then decided to contact her classmate, and they were able to help each other through...The End. My point is that people become resources for the present and the future. The people we meet are the people who are there to help us through--in many forms. It's okay to ask someone for help. It's okay to learn, and it's okay to make sacrifices for the things you want and need.

It took me six years to get a four year degree. I paid for it myself, with help from Uncle Sam. I got no tuition reimbursement, and I had to purchase books on my own. I worked between 1 and 3 jobs my entire college career. It can be done. Getting a degree that I am proud of was my ultimate goal, and I made the commitment to get it. I think that this "desensitizing" is also affecting our ability to be decisive and make commitments. Without human contact, commitment becomes meaningless.

Deep Thoughts... :)

Friday: Secretary (Day) / Off (Night) Yay!!!

Saturday Dramatics

Saturday: Off (Day) / Server (Night)

Tonight started off slow, but then we got slammed, and the night flew by! I went in for my shift in a great mood, and I was ready to make money. Tonight's crew was pretty lazy, but my tables were good (no one too weird), and they were appreciative, which is a little unusual, but considering some of them waited 2 hours for a table, I suppose they were just happy to have a competent server. It was a good night.

I was closing, and there are always three servers closing the restaurant. As a closer, we check everyone's section, side work, and silverware. I'm always assigned to check sections because I prefer it, and I'm good at it. When people know I'm checking sections, they do their shit--or I make them do it. I'm not messing around. If they don't do it, closers have to do it, and we already have enough to do.

Well, because it was so busy, we didn't die down until about 9:30. The MOD still hadn't put cuts up, when the hostess approached me and told me that she had to seat me with a five top because "some server" didn't want anymore tables. I told her that was fine (I was closing, I didn't care), but one thing you DO NOT do is tell the hostess to stop seating you before cuts go up. That is a hell-to-the-no-no! The kicker: This server is a trainer! All the fights I've had with management about my being a trainer, and this girl pulls this! Unbelievable. What's even more unbelievable is that she is notorious for trying to get out of doing shit!

Because this sort of thing happens all the time, I decided that I wouldn't say anything to the server, but I did say something to a friend of mine because I was pissed. Well my friend ended up saying something to the Hella Bitch Bartender who thinks she runs every shift. Hella Bitch decided she would seat the trainer with the next table. Well, I guess Hella Bitch didn't think this was enough, so she told the MOD.

MOD was pissed, and called the closers to a meeting. He wanted to know if it was okay with us if he waited until really late to put cuts up. He wanted to make her sweat a little and it affected the entire team. We only had an hour until close, and we agreed that cuts would not go up, but us closers would just take any incoming tables. (We should've sat the fucking trainer again, but that's not the way MOD wanted to do things.)

This hurts everyone because they'll get started on their silverware, side work, and sections, but none of the silverware they do counts once cuts go up, and they can't get "checked out" until cuts are up either.

MOD said he confronted her, but he couldn't write her up because he was not a direct witness.

MOD didn't put cuts up until about 10:45 (we close at 11), and everyone was pissed. Then he gave them each 100 silver to do. It was bad. People were cranky and insubordinate. MOD said he confronted trainer and that she had no rebuttal--not even an apology. He said he used the dreaded, "I'm...disappointed..." He was disappointed, but he knew that phrasing it that way would make more of an impact on said server. I think he handled it well, and I sure as hell hope that trainer realizes what she's doing next time.

That's all I've got! It's crazy-late, and I've got to get to bed!

Tomorrow: Off (Aunt Day!)

ServerLand

Thursday: Secretary (Day) / Server (Night)

My focus sharpened once I entered work and learned that I would be sharing a 20-top (which turned out to be 15) with a fellow-server. It was a bridal shower (oh, how I loath any kind of party with the word "shower" in it). These women drank, had appetizers, drank some more, had dinner, drank a little more, had cake. They ended up leaving us $50 over gratuity, which was unexpected and pretty freakin awesome! It really made my night because other than that table, it was dead. I had three other tables before the big-top...that was it. The women were a little weird and bossy, but otherwise normal and harmless.

We ended up paying another server to clear and reset the tables for us, so I was still home by 10, with a little bit of cash! Yay!

Tomorrow: Secretary (Early Day) / Off (Night)

ADD Through the Work Day

Thursday: Secretary (Day) / Server (Night)

Well, my attention span has dwindled to nothing today. I just CAN'T concentrate on ANYTHING!!! I have work to do, but it has been....quiet...lately, so the work I have is filing or organizing.
Don't get me wrong--my OCD tendencies LOVE to organize, but today, for some reason, I'm over it. I just don't feel like doing it. Sooo, I've been checking my email, responding to emails, checking facebook, looking up words on Urban Dictionary, etc. It's really not a good thing, but I guess every now and then, a day like today isn't a terrible thing.
I also have to work at the restaraunt tonight, which I'm not really looking forward to, but I don't have any money, so at least I know that tomorrow I'll have something green in my pocket...

For that reason, I hope it's busy tonight!

Wish me money!!!

Love What You Love

Wednesday: Secretary (Day) / Instructor (Night)

I love teaching. Although sometimes I say things that sound stupid, my students relate to me, and I think they like me. I mess around and joke, but they know (already) when I mean business. Tonight I heard one of my student's complaining about the amount of homework. My response: This is NO joke--this is YOUR education! You cannot put a dollar amount or a time limit on what it means for you to be successful.
The argument to that was that there is a dollar amount, but I clarified by saying that it took me six years to get a four-year degree...at that time, it was not the money that mattered, it was the information I walked away with.
I like the way I feel when I leave. I had two girls compliment my teaching style tonight, and it is both flattering and humbling; however, I'm just being me! That's the thing! I think I'm just a natural teacher--I like to give people different perspectives on the way to look at things. I also like pointing out the things that I find interesting, in hopes, that my interest will inspire.
Who knows.
Tonight I gave the first writing assignment of the semester, and my students were confused and disgruntled (some of them) when they left. I make myself available through email only (because I'm only part time), but I'm on the computer pretty much all day, so getting my email isn't a problem. They'll be fine! Everything just seems more overwhelming when it's getting thrown at you for four hours straight!

Secretary-ing this morning was a breeze--no major issues, one of the DCs (Department Chairs) was out, and the other was super-busy; we had no student issues (now I think that jinxes tomorrow). So, all is good.

Now, if only I can somehow make fifties pour from the sky, this will be an awesome day!

Tomorrow: Secretary (Day) / Server (Night)

Monday, Monday

Monday: Secretary (Day) / Server (Night)

The office was pretty quiet today--By the way, quiet is one of the words you don't say in an office. It's like saying bomb on a plane.

Anyway...

Preface: The semester at the community college started four weeks ago. You would be surprised at how many students are still trying to pick up classes. It's only been four weeks. It's on me to make up the work. I guess I just never considered picking up a class late--I had to start day one. I didn't want to walk in weeks behind the rest of the class. I don't know. Last semester, it got out of hand. So, this semester, we had to make some departmental policies. The drop/add period ends two weeks into the semester. Some departments allow students to sign into classes in the third week--not our department. It is clear that those students who come in more than two weeks into the semester miss a lot of material and struggle through the course.

Today

I had a student come in with a "Drop/Add" form asking to speak to the Department Chair (DC). We screen these visits closely, as a lot of students come in wanted to speak to the DC. I asked him if he was dropping or adding a class. He says that he wants to add Macroeconomics...(FYI: We are in our fourth week of the semester.) I sweetly explain to the student that we are not signing anyone into classes for two reasons: (1) The drop/add period ended two weeks ago. (2) If the class meets twice a week, then it's already met six times...it's a bitch to play catch-up (I didn't say bitch); we are looking out for the student's best interest.

He still wanted me to check to be sure. So, I tried to tell him again, but humored him and told him I would check. I poked into DC's office, and quickly told her of the student's request. She immediately said, "No, we are not signing anyone into classes." She said it loud enough for him to hear. I went back out to the student, at which time he asked if DC had given an explanation. I again repeated the same stuff; he was not satisfied. Finally, DC came out and told him to stop interrogating her secretary, sorry, she was not going to sign him into Macro.

The student came in about four hours later, trying to sign into another class.

I worked at the slowest restaurant in town tonight! It was pathetic. Luckily we were permitted to roll silverware throughout the shift (a rarity lately) and cuts went up before 8:00. I clocked out at 8:10. Although I only made $30 after tip-out, I came on at 5:00, so I made $10 an hour. I didn't really work that hard, and the crew was playful and spunky, so it was relatively enjoyable.

I did get into a minor argument with this evening's MOD. He is a newer MOD, and I think it's gone to his head a bit. I've made no bones about telling him that's what I think because we were once friends. Now he is manager friend, which is weird. Anyway, I had two tables, so I approached him and asked him if I could take out the garbage (code for smoke a cigarette). Management has gone from strict to lenient and back to strict on the whole smoking thing. Some say as long as we're taking something outside, then it's fine, be quick, get someone to watch your section, yadda, yadda; but there are a couple who aren't as understanding (for lack of a better word). Tonight MOD was not being understanding. He said that he was told that employees were no longer allowed to smoke on the property, and that the owners would be inspecting for cigarette butts. First of all, you can't make it a smoke-free property if patrons are allowed to smoke, and who is going to search the parking lot or behind the dumpsters for evidence...idiots (*Ren and Stimpy). I gave him a little bit of a runaround, but that's because I like messing with him, but then I backed off...until I had zero tables and "taking out the beer boxes" was indeed my sidework. I approached him again, and he said that if I came back in smelling like smoke, he would be very upset. This coming from a kid that is 22 years old (I'm 29). Whatever. While he was schmoozing with some bar guests I snuck out the back. He's none the wiser. I had NO tables! It's not the end of the world, but they need to pick a side. My argument was that I was permitted to go outside during a shift just this passed Saturday night...I definitely shouldn't have told him that. Then I found out that he wrote it in the book and was going to ask GM for clarification...what at tool.

Tuesday: Secretary (Day) / Planning (Night)

The Kicker

Sunday: Aunt Day!!

Today was pretty fun. We played outside, we colored, we read books, we practiced our alphabet and numbers. We had a fun-filled aunt day, I feel. I went over around 2 p.m., and I left around 8:30...I was ready by then. They are a handful!

Besides, I'm not really feeling that great...

I think I mentioned before how I don't have health insurance. Well, easy to say, "Go to the clinic" when I don't have the extra cash to pay my rent. Clinics do charge, and around here, a free clinic would be a miracle. My mom and sister suggested that I apply for Medicaid, but I'm pretty sure I'm not eligible. I read some literature about it when I came home because I really need to go to a doctor...something's wrong. I don't want to admit it...I haven't wanted to admit it...but it's time, I suppose. The criteria for Medicaid is pretty specific, and I didn't feel that I fell into any "group" they mentioned. Ugh. I guess it's worth a shot anyway. I've got to do something.

Tomorrow: Secretary (Day) / Server (Night)

Saturday Night

Saturday: Off (Day) / Restaurant (Night)

Tonight I worked at the restaurant--I closed, hence the late post. It wasn't that bad, actually. It was pretty busy, and we had a good crew...a lazy crew, but a fun crew, so it was alright. I did have a woman who cut her husband's salad for him. Other than that, it was fine.

There was a little bit of controversy after close, when the MOD (Manager on Duty) asked me to lock the front door. I've argued with MOD before that I don't think servers should be responsible for locking the front door. I told her that I would ask one of the others. Well, when I asked my fellow-closer, he felt the same way I did. If someone breaks into the restaurant, the first question they're going to ask is, "Who locked the door?" I don't want to have my name mentioned in response. No way.
MOD was pretty adamant about us doing it, so we did; however, when I was leaving, I noticed that the lights we have lit outside the restaurant (that the closers are supposed to turn off) were still on. I could have stopped, but I figured that was a little something for the MOD to deal with. I felt like I was sticking it to the man! teehee

Goodnight!

Tomorrow: Babies!!! (I'm going over my sisters to play with my nieces!)

A Day in the Life

Friday: Secretary (Day) / Off (Night) Yay!

I work with very interesting people. Dr. F is always fun to talk to. For Christmas, he gave me a day calendar of "Forgotten English." It gives the etymology and a little paragraph about the history or usage of the word. Very cool. What's even cooler is that Dr. F is Jewish. :) He's great. We get into some of the most interesting conversations. He's a psychiatrist and has a private practice. Crazy-smart, and completely inappropriate. He's hilarious.
Today we were talking about horror movies. I told him that I don't watch scary movies because I live alone in the woods. I say that jokingly, really; I've never had an interest in horror flicks. (Although there is one exception.*) As we were walking down the office hallway, he turned to me and said quietly, "Don't you have a gun?" The question shocked me. I don't know--I've never even considered the possibility...it's never entered my brain. I answered accordingly, and he said he would have a gun if he didn't have children in the house. (Besides, he has some health issues, and the medications he has to take make him shake terribly; a gun should not necessarily be his weapon of choice.) Then, somehow our conversation shifted to whether or not I would shoot someone who is threatening to kill my mother. I have never thought of killing anyone (seriously) in my whole life. He told me that it was a form of denial. The denial stems from the fact that I push it out of my brain and don't think about the reality of the world--according to Dr. F. I'm okay with his analysis, but I still don't think owning a gun would stop something from happening to me. I don't think I could shoot someone if it came down to it. I really don't. They could be threatening to kill my mother or something, I can't even fathom a scenario for this scene, but when it came down to pulling the trigger and killing another human--I just think I would freeze. I don't think that makes me a horrible person, but I do feel like I should have that angry passion to say that I would KILL someone if they were harming someone I loved. I don't know if that's possible. What does that mean? I kinda think Dr. F was disappointed to learn this about me. I do value his opinion, but ultimately, that can't change what I would do if someone was threatening to kill my mother. What an odd thought--it actually, almost makes me sick to think about it. This is when ignorance...er...denial is bliss.

Saturday: Off (Day) / Restaurant (Night)

*I think the Final Destination flicks are hysterical! Not only are the sequels completely ironic in their existence, but the ways they find to kill people is absurd. Those, I can watch. I did watch Scream, and it did scare me, but I'm okay now...it was touch and go for a while. I also watched The Village (I think), but that was stupid, so it didn't really scare me. One of the creepiest/scary movies I've seen is Donnie Darko, but I would totally watch it again because I got really confused about the ending...

The Icing

Thursday: Secretary by Day / Server by Night

All these tales, all these gripes, all these bitch-sessions of endless run-ons create the icing for my cake of American glory. Why do I work three jobs, you ask? Because I'm completely broke. Why am I completely broke, you ask? Well, I'm going to get down "brass tacks" (as ma would say): debt.
That, my friends, is the American Dream. To consume and flounder...at least that's how it feels right now.
I once had a decent paying job--sallary, benefits, the works. Unfortunately short-lived, that position sits on the tip of my tongue, the top of my mind because these "economic hardships" (as they say) have really affected me, my lifestyle, my way of life...everything.
I put myself through college--absolutely NO regrets.
Once I graduated, I decided to give myself a graduation present and went off to gallavant in Ireland for three weeks--again, absolutely NO regrets.
I don't have regrets for any of the decisions I've made--regret is a waste of time. What's happening now, however, is that I'm paying for them in the form of late fees, overdraft fees, overnight fees, kangaroo fees, or whateverthefucktheywanttomakeup fees. I'm also still paying for the furniture I charged to my other credit card. I'm also still paying a lot of shit off. My point is, I have no children, I live alone, and yet I'm still working three jobs to stay "afloat." Bull shit. I took what was available at the time, but that's just not enough right now.
Rent's due on Sunday. Right now, I'm sitting $20 bucks shy, and I work at the restaurant Saturday night, so I'm POSITIVE rent will be paid. My other bills, however, they have suffered. I HAVE to pay for things like my phone bill, my rent, and my car insurance, but they aren't the ones to call when you're late--it's the credit card people. It's really depressing actually. I'm young. I'm dealing with this at a very young age. My mom went through it too, but she had kids. I'm happy I've not chosen to procreate and bring an innocent child into the depths of my debt.
Things will get better. They always will. They always have. I just have a hard time seeing through these hard times...the rose-colored glasses I once wore so well are now faded and jaded with the rest of the country.

Friday: Early secretary day!! (Off at 2!!) Then I think I will take a nap. Ahh, what a thought. (I even dream about dreaming! How pathetic!)

No News

Well, since I started the blog (Saturday), nothing has really happened.
Saturday night, I worked at the restaurant. Surprisingly, I don't have any absurd stories to share, but I will, don't you worry...I will!
Sunday, I graded papers for the majority of the day, then I went over to have dinner with the family. It was a lot of fun, as usual, and I do have some pictures to share, but I have yet to download them...
Monday (yesterday) I woke up feeling funny...stomach funny...not good funny. I went into work. I was there for maybe 15 minutes before I decided that work was not the safest place to be. My boss told me to leave without touching anything. Yesterday was full of barfing and sleeping. Today, I'm at home also, but I'm feeling better. I feel a little weird, but I'm at least feeling hungry.

Hopefully the rest of the week will bring some inspiring stories for me to share!

My Hats

From an administrative position at a local college, to teaching part time and waiting tables when I can, I definitely keep myself busy. I'm exhausted, but I have stories to tell, gripes to vent, and messages to pass along to the public.

Background:
I have a Bachelor's in English, and directly out of college, I got a job as an editor for an educational publisher within 40 minutes from my home. That job (though wonderful as it was) was short-lived. Within three years, I was forced to move on...

I waited tables for a year, looking for another editing position, but there was no luck in my area. I even considered the BIG move to NYC, to possibly get my editing career off the ground. Why didn't I go? Bottom line: I'm too much of a family girl. My sisters were having children, and I found myself wanting to be immersed in the culture of baby. More so, I wanted to be revered as an aunt who they knew and loved, not a stranger who disappeared when they were infants.

Then, I just started looking for anything--times were getting tougher.

Up to Date:
I got a job working as an Administrative Assistant--yup, you got it--a secretary. I work in the Education Department of a local Community College, which got my foot in the door, into a room filled with myriad possibilities. I really like my job. I love the people in my department; they are supportive, compassionate, and nurturing. Working with teachers of teachers is great. My department shares an office with the Human Services Department, and they too are a great bunch. They are amazing. It's also wonderful to be surrounded with people who have the same views on education as I do. (When I first started college, I was studying to be an elementary school teacher. After three years in the program, I decided that working in public schools was not for me--that's when I switched to English, in hopes of one day teaching at the college level.)

In my mind, I didn't think I'd teach at a college level until I was retired with a doctorate. Little did I know what was in store for me. The secretary thing is only part time. I am only allowed to work 29 hours a week--partial benefits (dental). I made sure to introduce myself to the English Department Chair, and made her aware of my desire to teach. I didn't think it would happen so soon.

After being with the college for approximately four months, the English Department contacted me, within days of the new semester, short-staffed, in need of a part-time instructor. I jumped on it. That was in August of 2008. My first semester was rough, but I think I made an impact on those students who stuck it out. I teach a remedial course for those students who received low marks on the placement test. My course prepares them for what they will expect in college. The curriculum is rigorous and daunting, but it's effective, as far as I can tell. I just started my second semester. So far so good.

Because these positions are only part time, I live alone, and I have debts to pay, I kept my job at the restaurant.

Therefore, I wear many hats, and consequently, I carry many bags.

This blog will contain tales from all aspects of my life. I hope I can find the time to keep up with it...

Happy Reading!

~Darby


Occupations
Secretary: Mon.-Fri. (Day) brown purse
Instructor: Wed. (Night) school bag, laptop bag, folder bag
Server: Mon., Thurs., Sat. (Night) blue knapsack
Aunt: Sun. (Day/Night) camera bag, canvas bag,
Blogger: In between no bag required